2Co 13:9 For we rejoice when we are weak and you are powerful. But we pray for this also, your perfection.
We were living on the farm and settling in when it hit me, I had no idea what I was doing. I had many goals and dreams in my head. I wanted a fruitful garden where I could walk outside and pick out the vegetables for dinner. I wanted herbs to flavor our food and heal our ailments. I wanted a huge goat herd so that we could hopefully generate a side income or, better yet, a full income so Josh could work at home. I wanted an orchard in the front of the property, etc…
My list of wonderful ideas was endless. What great prospects we had now that we had a farm. Life was going to be grand. The castles in my sky had many rooms when we set out at first on this whole “farming” adventure.
Josh warned me to try to keep my expectations at a minimal level, not that he isn’t goal-oriented; he just knows that when my expectations go high, my patience runs low. His motto is “expect nothing, and you will never be disappointed.”
Now, that may sound depressing, but he isn’t a depressed man, he is just ultra-practical. He sets goals with really only one expectation, if the Father wants it to work, it will work. Thus, he has no expectations to rely on his own power, and since sometimes it is hard to know for sure God’s will, he waits to see what God’s answer will be before he gets his hopes up.
Well, with my expectations running high with all these extreme dreams, I went forward. One major problem, though, I had no idea what I was doing. I learned quickly that even a small farm was a lot of work.
In June, we were getting a crash course in gardening since the old owner already started his garden, but once we had a contract on the land he quit weeding the garden. I had weeds that were nearly up to my waist, and on top of trying to find the crops amongst the weeds, we were also moving Josh’s parents, Mike and Dianne, to their new home on a lake about seven miles away.
When you are busy somewhere else, things start piling up on a farm. One day I walked outside and wanted to just cry. My garden was successfully producing weeds and grass, the herb garden was still a dream, the yard needed mowing, and the goats needed worming. Plus, one of our goats started to get strange bumps on her, and she looked anorexic. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed.
I cried to God to help us. I needed more hours in the day. I wanted my mind to become a sponge so that whatever I read it would absorb. I was tired of researching something like gardening tips and within five minutes I would forget what I just read. All I could do was take comfort that eventually I would know at least something about farming, and Dianne and Mike would be moved into their house.
The key for me was to keep everything in perspective of time. Time keeps moving forward, regardless if I lose goats or build a giant herd. Time doesn’t stop when you are having fun, and it won’t speed up when trials surround you. And one day will come when I will realize, wow, I sure got old fast. Humor is key to helping deal with the passing of time.
The problem was though that sometimes when I am in the midst of trials, I can’t seem to look beyond the trial. I tend to forget that it will pass eventually, and once it passes, and I am on the other side, all the time it took to get there will feel like a mist that quickly passed leaving just a faint memory of the struggles that I endured.
The only way that I could keep myself in this perspective was to pray daily. I needed the Father’s strength to get through everything. I am definitely a work in progress, and I won’t ever reach my ultimate character goal until all is made perfect. Yet, hopefully before then, I can at least get to a nice peaceful level.
Another thing that helped me get through the beginning struggles was seeing the joy that the farm brought to Jazmyn and Asher. They loved living on the farm. They had the freedom to play outside and roam. They were constant explorers in search of the unknown. Every day was an adventure for them. I realized that if I just focused on what was going well and ignored what frustrated me, I could then enjoy life on the farm.
So, by the beginning of June, we had seven goats, one lone rooster (inherited with the property), two dogs (one mutt and Angel, the guard dog), and two kittens. At least our small farm had animals living on it. It was a start even if I wanted to know everything and have everything “right now.”
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work within our time limits.
At night, Josh and I would sit and unwind outside under the Father’s stars. It would reinforce that all the stress, studying, learning, work, time, effort, sweat, and the pain was worth it to just be able to live out in the country. For us, to be able to see the sky open up revealing its awesomeness without the distracting artificial lights made it all worth the effort.
Expect things to not go as expected
Most adults realize that the world doesn’t revolve around us. Yet, when things do not go the way we want, we seem to forget that reality. It is hard sometimes to accept that we won’t always get what we want for God’s “thoughts are not [our] thoughts, neither are [our] ways [His] ways.” (Isa 55: 8 i). But we must trust Him, for He knows what is best for us.
I do enjoy the times that I can look back on my life and see those moments when the Father said “no you are not going that way no matter how hard you pray, for my way is a better way”. Now, I didn’t hear a voice proclaim that, but I felt it during those times when I wanted to “turn right” but something occurred at the time to force me to go “left”. It is in these situations that later it comes clear that God was directing my steps.
Now, looking backward I can see it’s God’s hand moving me, but during the change of direction, there is usually a struggle because it is hard to let go of my own will and let God’s will be done. Yet, eventually, sometimes longer than it should be, I realize to let go of trying to control everything because the truth is I can’t control anything really except my attitude. It is also during these times of letting go that I have to remember He knows what is best for me, and He will make all things work for good (Romans 8: 28). So, when reality doesn’t meet our expectations, we need to put our faith in Him and wait patiently to see what good will come out of the situation.